It’s been a year since I’ve actually blogged, other then re-blogging/posting or reposting pictures.
I’ve been thinking lately. Nothing in particular, just thinking here and there, but most of the time its scattered thoughts about my life. I guess writing down some things may help me piece together these “thoughts” or maybe it’ll just make me more scattered. Idk, annnd idc.
- Until recently, I didn’t realize how much of my childhood I’ve internalized from my parents. It never gets to me until I’m put into situations of pressure where it feels like the regular me is turning off and I’m just re-enacting situations from the past and playing those parts I’ve seen before. I guess from here, it’s not a process of unlearning these habits, but a process growing healthier ones.
- For a large chunk of my life, I equated Vietnamese with gambling. Since every Vietnamese family I knew growing up had a chronic gambler in their family, I had thought it was normal. It wasn’t until high school that I began to piece together how the circumstances of my community have impacted family life in such a negative way. Desensitized and normalized to something that tears aparts families. Crazy.
- Forgiveness is hard. I’ve been juggling with this one for years. I can forgive nearly everyone in my life for any faults except for one person. And for this one person, in the past few years, I’ve made strides to understanding the bigger pictures, the circumstantial outlying reasons to why shit went down the way it did and is still happening today, but at the end of it all, I still can’t find a way to forgiveness. Sometimes I wonder if I’m going to regret this years down the line.
I guess I’ve just got family on my mind lately. Down time from graduating and finding a job gives me time to reflect. Lots of re-occurring thoughts and themes going on for me. Sometimes they’re just thoughts. Sometimes they have solutions. And sometimes they’re just what they are.