It goes away and comes back crashing. Today was a nice day in Berkeley. It was sunny and everyone was outside and there was no rain in sight. But somehow I still felt as though everything wasn’t right.
I’ve been back for 3 months now, and I still can’t believe it. I don’t know if I don’t believe that I’m here in Berkeley going to school and doing the things I was doing before, or if I can’t believe that the months I spent in Viet Nam really happened. I just stepped out onto my balcony, and all I heard was complete silence. I miss the honking horns. I miss the busy streets… God, the feeling of being on a motorbike and going out without plans. I miss that. Hanu, my friends, EAP-ers being all together and a new experience at every corner.
Where’s my fresh cup of bia hoi? Where’s the lady who tells me to get my own damn rau cau dua at che saigon? Where’s my tra da I’m sippin while I people watch at lenin park? It seems so fucking surreal. Time just bit me in the ass and here I am in disbelief it all really happened. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to go outside, or see anyone. Anything that reminds me that I’m back. It’s crazy to think that I’m still missing it all so much. During those 5 months I spent in Viet Nam I didn’t just live somewhere else, I made a home for myself. I grew into somebody else. I laughed, loved and experienced something so beautiful, I was exploding with happiness for the whole time I was there.
Orientation week, meeting Giang, Thai Linh, Thuy Linh and my buddy Phuong. Going to belly dancing lessons hella randomly. Eating pho cuon in Pho Co with the girls. D8. D11. Mien Ga everyday. Getting up for 7am globalization. Dragonfly, the dragonfly boys. Meeting Linh Hue and Viet Anh. Those crazy nights at Heresy. Fuck I want them back. Top Pub. Craziness in Ha Long Bay with UCHANU. Central Trip. Quy Nhon, Da Nang Hue. Half Man Half Noodle. Biere Larue. So many things keep rushing to my head. The fuck it moments, the I’m living my life moments. I miss it so much. I want to be able to turn back time. To when I was sitting outside on the bench with Jeremy. To when me and Miki went around pho co to find a helmet. To when me Lan and Irene just don’t remember what happened the night before. To when me and Mindy ate until we couldn’t walk. To all the times that made it seem too real.
But now here I am, sitting in my apartment in Berkeley. And even though I’ve lived here for 3 years, its just not the same.
Lena muốn yêu lại từ đầu =/